Perfect Day v.2, Keita/Ryuichi, 1/1, PG
Written in 4 hours. I just needed to do this, I guess.



O.o o.O

When Keita reached over, fingers tangling in Ryuichi’s but not quite entwining their hands together, Ryuichi smiled up at him. “Your hand is cold.”

Keita smiled. “Yes.”

Ryuichi turned his head away, swallowing hard and trying to keep his voice light. “You should wear gloves.”

“You should too,” Keita chided back, gently, and Ryuichi’s lips tightened when he suddenly remembered the mittens Keita had knitted for him, knobbly and awkward, but perfect all the same.

Ryuichi couldn’t even remember where he put it.

“Here.” Keita reached up, readjusting Ryuichi’s scarf, smiling as he cupped Ryuichi’s frost-reddened cheeks in his cold hands.

“Thanks,” Ryuichi said bashfully, suddenly feeling like a teenager all over again on one of his first dates with Keita. When had that been? Too long ago.

Sometimes, sometimes when Keita looked at him like this, he would still make Ryuichi breathless and fall in love with him all over again.

“Ryuichi,” Keita said softly, so softly that not even his breath clouded in front of his chapped lips.

“Wait,” Ryuichi said, because he knew and he thought he was ready, but he wasn’t, oh god, he wasn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would be butnot now, he knew. Just, god, please, not now. “Wait,” he said again, when it seemed as if Keita was going to speak anyway. “Later,” he said, and since when had his hands been fisted into the lapels of Keita’s coat?

Keita looked at him with wide eyes. “Later?”

“Just - later,” Ryuichi said, chest feeling like it was going to burst with all the things he wanted to say but just couldn’t get out. He looked up at Keita. “Whatever it is, tell me tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“Yes,” Ryuichi said, nodding. “Tonight. Just - I - I have so many things planned for us today,” Ryuichi said, mind working furiously. “I want to go to the aquarium. And then take purikura. And then watch the sun set at Tokyo Bay. Hurry,” Ryuichi said, tugging at Keita’s sleeve. “It’s already afternoon, we don’t have much time.”

“Alright,” Keita said, smiling easily.

O.o o.O

“...you know? And then I said, Ryohei, I said, Ryohei what do you mean people can do echolocation like whales and dolphins? And then he told me he saw it on the Internet and that there’s this blind boy that really can do that. Because, you know, the internet is always right. I mean, you know just as well as I do what sort of crap -”

“Ryuichi,” Keita said gently. “Ryuichi, breathe.”

Ryuichi paused, grinning up at Keita sheepishly.

“You’ve been talking all day,” Keita said.

“Have I?” Ryuichi asked as nonchalantly as possible, because he had been and he knew it, had wanted to because then there wouldn’t be a chance for Keita to - for him to speak. At all. Because Ryuichi just didn’t want to hear it.

Keita smiled again, and his hand went to squeeze Ryuichi’s lightly. “There’s -”

“Look at the sunset,” Ryuichi said, pulling his hand away and folding his arms along the railing. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yes,” Keita said, but Ryuichi could tell from the very edges of his vision that Keita hadn’t turned and was still facing him.

Ryuichi blinked quickly several times, trying to clear his eyes from the sting of threatening tears. He was grasping at the last remaining threads of their relationship like the last rays of sunlight were clinging to the horizon, pulling, pulling, not wanting to let go and sinking all the same.

He couldn’t breathe.

“Ryuichi? Are you...?”

“Now,” Ryuichi said, letting out a deep breath and looking at Keita with a smile and clear eyes. “You can tell me now.”

Maybe it was something in his smile, Ryuichi wasn’t sure, but he could see the slow dawning of realisation setting into Keita’s dark, steady gaze.

“I should have said something earlier,” Keita said, and now he was the one to turn away, resuming the pose Ryuichi had just abandoned.

“No,” Ryuichi said. “I just - I’d rather have you like this by my side than not have you at all.” The words came out strangled and tight, and Ryuichi’s throat hurt when he swallowed thickly.

“I know,” Keita said faintly. “I know and I would except...except I can’t anymore,” he whispered.

“I know.”

Keita held in a deep breath before sighing it out, shoulders sagging.

“I do love you,” Ryuichi said, voice cracking against the silence between them.

“I know. I just - need some space. Some time away. Some perspective.” Keita wrapped his arms around himself, still turned away.

“I’m sorry,” Ryuichi whispered. “Is it no use anymore?”

“Please don’t,” Keita said, finally looking towards him with plaintive eyes. “Please, I can’t...Ryuichi, you know I...”

“Then please,” Ryuichi said, muscles working in his throat as he tried to stifle the sobs and hold back the tears. “Please, don’t do this to me.”

“You did it to me,” Keita said bitterly. “I survived. You will too.”

The silence between them was deafening, and Ryuichi lost the sounds of the city around them as he just stared at Keita.

Keita sighed, turning away again.

“No,” Ryuichi demanded. “Look me in the eye if you’re going to do this. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

“Ryuichi, please don’t -”

“No!” Ryuichi’s hands were balled into tight fists by his side, and Keita straightened, hands sliding into the pockets of his coat.

“You weren’t ready,” Keita said, an ironic twist on his lips that couldn’t really be called a smile. “You just weren’t ready for the sort of relationship that I was ready for. That’s it.”

Ryuichi couldn’t reply. If he spoke now, he’d end up begging in a mess of tears, and Ryuichi still had his pride.

“I don’t want things to get so bad that I would forget why I loved you to begin with,” Keita continued, and Ryuichi could feel it, could feel the burning slide of tears down his ice-cold cheeks, and he didn’t want to wipe them away in front of Keita inasmuch as he didn’t want Keita to see them. “Don’t think of it as me leaving you. I’m the one letting you go. So you could have whatever it is you’re looking for. Because I know...I know right now it isn’t me.”

“Keita...” Ryuichi licked his lips. “Okay. Okay,” he said again, turning his back to Keita. “Okay.”

He didn’t have to look back to see Keita leave.

O.o o.O

Fin.