Title: A Sigh Is Just A Sigh
Pairing: Keita/Ryuichi
Author: venenatus.venustas
Rating: R for language and content
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, unfortunately. But do own story. I do not presume to know anything of their private and/or business lives. This is all FICTION, meaning I MADE IT UP. I do not claim truth in anything you may read from this story. Except for their hairstyles.
Warnings: Angst, I guess? Some fluff, maybe?
Inspired by: Ryuichi’s ringlets.
Summary: But a kiss is never just a kiss.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, everyone! Got sick. One of worst snow storms in recent history and 1am fire alarms do not mix well. XD! Hope you enjoy!

Continued from:
Prologue = Regret/Refusal
Part 1 = Plans/Denial
Part 2 = Confessions/Admissions
Part 3 = Substitution/Jealousy
Part 4 = Realisation/Restraint


Part 5: One flashback, Ryohei's night out, and what he comes home to.




O.o o.O

“It’s just, I don’t even know what to do.” Ryohei sighed, dropping his head to rest on his folded arms in front of him.

“Ryohei, you worry too much. Things will work itself out.”

Ryohei sighed again; he was sprawled out on his stomach on the bed. “Ken-chan, I can’t help but worry. You haven’t been with them the last few weeks.”

“They seemed fine the last time I saw them.” Ken swivelled around in his desk chair, spinning in slow circles. “A bit tense, but still fine. Ryuichi had his new boyfriend, didn’t he? Seemed like a nice guy. A bit creepy – smiled too much. Like he was baring his teeth or something.”

Ryohei made a strange noise and waved his hand around in the air. “Pfft. He’s alright. And that was forever ago. William’s over at our place all the time because he’s living with family, so…” He raised his eyebrows at Ken, who grinned.

“I see.”

“Yeah. Not like I mind, I mean, they’re mostly in Ryuichi’s room, and stop giving me that look, they don’t do it all the time!” Ryohei stuck his tongue out.

Ken laughed lightly. “We’re at that age, you know. Non-stop sexing sounds like heaven.”

“Ken-chan!”

“Anyway, you were telling me that now they’re so much worse?”

Ryohei sat up on the bed. “I guess I asked to spend the night here because I couldn’t stand it anymore. You weren’t there at the company Christmas party, Ken-chan, but that was their first big fight.” Ryohei covered his face with his hands. “It was so horrible,” he moaned.

Ken stopped spinning in his chair. “What happened? You never told me the details.”

“We just went and chatted with the people we knew and drank and stuff, for the first couple hours. And everything was fine until Keita started hitting on one of the interns. And of course she fell for it – they all do. I mean, Keita’s, like,” Ryohei waved his hand in the air, “and so she totally went for it. And then Ryuichi was there by himself because there was no way he could’ve brought William with him, and…”

“And what?”

Ryohei made a face.

O.o o.O

“Where do you get off practically calling me a slut in front of everyone?” Keita hissed, fingers digging sharply into Ryuichi’s wrist.

Ryuichi glared back, defiant, flinging Keita’s hand off him. “Like you aren’t? You get it on with a different girl practically every night!”

“You two! Shut up!” Ryohei glanced towards the door nervously; he had locked it, but that didn’t mean no one would be listening in from the outside. They were in an empty office, away from the party, but still close enough that they could be found if someone were to go looking for them, and definitely close enough that they would be heard if they got too loud. “Look, it’s almost midnight. Just try to keep cool for another twenty minutes then we could go home and you two could chew it out there, alright?”

“I don’t HAVE anything to chew out about, Ryohei,” Ryuichi said huffily.

“Well it certainly SEEMS as if you do,” Keita cut in. “You were certainly vocal enough about it just now.”

Ryuichi whirled back to face Keita again. “I wasn’t the one parading myself like a peacock in heat in there!”

“Like you don’t do enough parading at home?”

“I’m not the skank here!” Ryuichi screamed.

“Like you’re not throwing yourself at William every chance you got?” Keita screamed back.

“Well at least I’m not drooling for women that have probably been had by half the men in this city!”

“Well at least I don’t have to BEG for it!”

“Maybe I LIKE begging for it! That’s what you really want to say, isn’t it?” Ryuichi was right up in Keita’s face now, never mind that his nose was almost touching Keita’s chin, and Ryohei moved quickly across the room to push apart his friends when he saw Keita’s fists clench and his arm curl upwards.

“Stop it! Please!” Ryohei had no idea how to quench this outburst, and the frustration inside him was showing through the sheen in his eyes. “Both of you! Right now!”

They ignored him, and Ryuichi continued to scream at Keita, “That’s what you’ve wanted to say since I brought William home, haven’t you? That I’m a slut that goes around begging for someone to give it to me up the ass!”

“I never said that!” Keita screamed back, trying to reach around Ryohei to grab at Ryuichi’s collar.

“But you definitely THINK it!” Ryuichi found himself being shoved away from Keita again by Ryohei, and he tried to push Ryohei out of the way but was too distracted to put any real force into it. “I know you do! You wouldn’t make all those insinuations if you didn’t! You may as well come out and say it – you never were very subtle!”

“Fine! You told me to! You –”

“SHUT UP! RIGHT NOW!”

And that was when Keita actually did listen to Ryohei, surprisingly, and shut up immediately in the middle of his sentence.

“I can’t take it anymore!” Ryohei said, looking back and forth between them. “This is too much. For too many weeks you two have been jabbing at each other, insulting each other, calling each other such horrible, horrible things. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You two are supposed to be best friends. Best friends, Keita. Ryuichi. Or have you forgotten what that means? I don’t know what’s gotten into the two of you, but I would have expected more from both of you tonight, especially in such a public place. Twenty minutes, and we could’ve been home and you could’ve had your spat and said what you wanted to say. Are you prepared to ruin your career – something all of us worked so hard to build – on whatever it is you two are fighting about if someone overhears us? Or is this it – are we over?”

“Don’t be silly, Ryohei,” Keita said awkwardly. “Of course we’re not over.”

Ryohei rounded in on Keita immediately, “Well it damn well looks as if we are. How long can a group last if its members cannot get along with each other? How long can a trio last if two members cannot stop arguing in private?”

“It’s complicated, Ryohei,” Ryuichi said.

“Then tell me. Explain to me. Because I certainly don’t understand what’s so complicated about this.” Ryohei sniffed back angry tears.

“I’m sorry, Ryohei,” Keita said.

“Me too,” Ryuichi put in.

O.o o.O

“I can’t believe you had to threaten to disband to get them to shut up.” Ken’s eyes were wide, eyebrows raised slightly in disbelief.

“I know,” Ryohei said. “I wish I could say that they were so out of control because we had been drinking, but that wasn’t even it completely.”

“Really? What happened after, then?”

“Well, it just got worse and worse. I mean, they didn’t openly fight or anything anymore, but they said the meanest, cruellest – I couldn’t believe what they were saying to each other.”

“I can imagine,” Ken said quietly. “Do you know why this whole thing started in the first place?”

Ryohei hesitated.

“You do know, don’t you?”

Ryohei frowned, lips pursing. “Ken-chan, it’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s…”

Ken shook his head. “No, I understand. What I meant was – can’t you work with them from there?”

“I’m not too sure how. Aaargh.” Ryohei grabbed two handfuls of his own hair. “This is so frustrating! What do you think?”

Ken moved to sit next to Ryohei on the bed. “What I think? Seriously, as in?”

Ryohei nodded.

Ken leaned in closer to Ryohei, and Ryohei found his eyes fixed on Ken’s lips as he spoke. “I think you should stop thinking so much about your friends’ love life, and start thinking about yours instead.”

O.o o.O

Ryuichi sat on Keita’s bed, towel draped around his shoulders. He had looked at Keita with such a horrified expression when Keita suggested Ryuichi take a nap in his room that he had immediately offered up his own.

Ryuichi’s hair was damp and Keita was sitting next to him, drying it with a hairdryer and combing through the tangles with his fingers. He did this silently, and not until Ryuichi’s hair was dry and he had switched off the hairdryer did he speak.

“Ryuichi, I need to ask you some questions.”

Ryuichi gave a small nod.

“Do you want to go to the police?”

Ryuichi shook his head.

“I think we should go to the police.”

Ryuichi stared at the marks on his wrists before looking back up at Keita.

Keita winced. “Right.” Certain things would become public in a police investigation – things that were private even for themselves. Perhaps it wasn’t such a great idea, then. He cleared his throat. “Um, Ryuichi, are the…are they really yours?”

Ryuichi turned his head slightly to peer at Keita through the corners of his eyes and gave a slow, short nod.

“Ahem. Right.” Keita held his hands tightly together, resting them on his thigh. “Did he hurt you?”

Ryuichi held a hand up to his head, to the left and towards the back. “He hit my head against my desk. I was dizzy for a long time.”

“Let me see.” Keita’s fingers were gentle as he traced over Ryuichi’s head, lifting them when Ryuichi winced. “You have a lump here. No blood.” He smoothed Ryuichi’s hair down with his hand. “Ryuichi, if you feel like throwing up, or if you’re still dizzy, tell me and we’ll take you to the hospital. He might have given you a concussion.”

Ryuichi shook his head.

“Ryu-chan, we could tell them you fell over and hit your head. They’ll never know.”

“Fine,” Ryuichi said grumpily.

Keita took a deep breath. “Ryuichi, did he – I mean, had he – um, that is – did he – um…”

Ryuichi stared at him blankly.

“Are you hurt – did he hurt you – there?”

The blank looked turned confused.

Keita gave Ryuichi an exasperated look, and Ryuichi blinked.

Keita sighed. “Ryuichi, did he force his way into you?”

Ryuichi frowned, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead on them. “Not yet.”

“Oh.” Keita let out the breath he didn’t realised he had been holding. And then he tensed up all over again. “He meant to, though?”

Ryuichi curled up tighter. “Yes.”

Keita moved closer to Ryuichi, wrapping him up in a hug. He kissed Ryuichi above his ear. “You’re safe now. I’m here.” Keita stroked Ryuichi’s hair, straightened from the hairdryer. “Get some rest. I’ll be here.” He lowered Ryuichi until he was lying down, covers pulled up to his chin. Keita leaned down and kissed Ryuichi’s forehead, smoothing Ryuichi’s hair from his face.

“Don’t go,” Ryuichi said in a small voice. “Don’t leave me.”

“Of course not. I’ll be sitting here next to you, okay?”

“Will you be here if I fall asleep?”

“Of course I will.” Keita patted Ryuichi’s stomach through the covers. “Relax. I’m here.”

O.o o.O

Ryohei came home the next afternoon, dropping his bags at the door, toeing off his shoes, and shedding his jacket on the spot, leaving everything in a jumble at the entrance.

Keita looked up from his seat in the living room at the commotion. “Ryohei?” he whispered loudly.

Ryohei blinked. “Oh. Hey, Keita,” he said.

Keita frowned. “You look a bit dazed.”

“Hmm?” Ryohei said, and went to sit in the armchair next to the sofa. And then he realised why he had headed for the chair instead sitting on the sofa next to Keita; Ryuichi was sprawled across it, head on Keita’s lap. Ryohei raised his eyebrows. “When did this happen? Wait, what happened to your face? You have a bruise on your – what happened?”

“Shh. I just got him to sleep.”

“What happened to sleeping during the night? What happened yesterday, Keita?” Ryohei’s eyes lost its hazy sheen and he leaned forward, completely serious.

Keita shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Well.” Keita sighed. “I guess you’d know eventually anyway. So, well, last night I was going to go clubbing, but I decided to come back last minute. I found – I found William – he’d tied Ryuichi up and was going to – to – Ryuichi –” Keita paused, swallowing hard.

“Take it slow, Keita,” Ryohei said, and Keita shook his head.

“He wouldn’t leave Ryuichi when I told him to and then – well, that was where I got this from.” His fingers traced over the faint yellow bruise on his left jaw as he looked down at Ryuichi, his other hand going to run through Ryuichi’s hair.

“I don’t know what to say.” Ryohei blinked at him, fingers gripping the armrests tightly and knuckles strained and white.

“He couldn’t sleep last night, you know,” Keita continued. “He kept waking up, asking if I was there…” Keita gave another hard swallow. “I think he’s afraid of being alone.”

Ryohei looked closely, and saw that Keita’s eyes were dark and ringed, the bags under them bluish against his pasty skin. “I see,” he said softly.

Keita shook his head as if clearing it of thoughts and glanced up briefly. “Anyway. How is Ken-chan?”

Ryohei blushed, and hoped Keita didn’t notice. “He’s good.”

“Last night was fun?”

Ryohei’s blush deepened, but thankfully, Keita was still looking down at Ryuichi. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat when it cracked. “Um, Keita, do you want to go get some rest? I could sit here with Ryuichi instead.”

Keita shook his head firmly. “No. I need to be here for him.”

Ryohei stood up. “Then I’m going to my room for a nap. I didn’t…didn’t really sleep too well last night.”

“Alright.”

Ryohei went to pick up his discarded belongings from the entranceway before making his way to his room, looking over his shoulder at Keita, whose head was visible over the top of the sofa. Strange that the person who inadvertently brought Keita and Ryuichi together again was the one that had driven them so far apart in the first place.

Ryohei dumped his stuff on the floor, making a mess in the middle of his neat room. “Stupid,” he whispered to himself. William was not going to be thanked; in fact, if Ryohei ever saw him again, he was going to rip William’s balls off with his bare hands for daring to attempt such an atrocity on Ryuichi.

He pulled off his t-shirt and stepped out of his jeans, falling into bed and pulling the comforter up around himself. Sleep did not come easily, however, and Ryohei traced his fingertips over his lips before he finally turned over in bed and squeezed his eyes shut and pretended that he really wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular.

O.o o.O

They had two days until their next public performance at the opening ceremony of the High-School Soccer Championships – but of course, that didn’t mean they didn’t have to work in between.

Keita’s alarm clock went off, and he slapped a hand on the snooze to shut it up. “Uuuugh,” he groaned. Then he let out a sigh, consciousness and awareness seeping back into his sleep-addled brain. He rolled over. “Ryuichi,” he said softly, placing a hand on Ryuichi’s shoulder. “Wake up. We have rehearsal this morning.”

Ryuichi’s eyes shot open when Keita’s hand touched him, and he jerked away before sitting up and blinking tiredly down at his pillow. “I heard your alarm,” he said.

Keita sat up as well. “Okay.”

Ryuichi looked up at him under his lashes. “Come with me to the bathroom?” he asked in the same small voice, so unlike his usual tone. Hearing Ryuichi speak like that made Keita’s chest clench painfully and fury flash through his mind briefly before it was quelled by the realisation that Ryuichi was waiting for an answer.

“Okay.”

Keita waited dutifully just outside the bathroom, leaning against the doorjamb of the half-closed door, facing the other way as Ryuichi washed up and used the toilet.

Ryuichi tapped Keita on the shoulder. “I’m done.”

And then they switched places.

Ryohei passed by through the corridor and gave Ryuichi an indescribable look, but said nothing other than, “Good morning, Ryuichi.”

To which Ryuichi replied, “Good morning, Ryohei.”

And that was that.

O.o o.O

If Ryohei was more exuberant than usual that day, no one said a word. And if Ryuichi’s smiles were forced as he let Ryohei’s unusual brightness cover for the lack of it on his part, no one said a word on that either.

There was not much an outsider could say to those three boys without arousing indignant anger from any or all of them – how could an outsider possibly know what had happened? Even so, how could an outsider possibly know how it feels? No, whatever the problem was, as long as it wasn’t life threatening, no one else would be able to take part in it.

An observer with a keener eye might notice that Keita stuck closer to Ryuichi than normal – not that they weren’t joined at the hip usually. They might have noticed that the previous tensions between Keita and Ryuichi had dissolved seemingly overnight, and they were the same as before – inseparable. However, there was something more to the smiles Keita gave Ryuichi now; they were softer now, gentler, and infinitely more tender, which Ryohei noted with a hidden smile.

It was almost strange – Ryohei hadn’t expected this sort of reaction from either of them. Keita was the cry-baby; the slightest thing and his voice would get choked and his eyes would fill with tears and he’d be sniffing them back and the world would grind to a halt because, like, oh my god, Keita would be crying and the interviewer or photographer would stop or the director would shout ‘Cut!’ and the cameramen and assistants and makeup artists would all go running with tissues and condolences and words to make Keita smile again and then the world would be alright and start spinning once more.

Ryuichi, however, was not really one for crying. In fact, Ryohei had to say that Ryuichi was possibly one of the most masculine guys he knew – ignore the ringlets, please. Ryuichi liked stuff like skateboarding and skydiving and running around screaming. He liked crawling up and down walls, literally. Ryuichi liked being loud. He liked laughing loudly. He liked talking loudly. He liked talking, period. He did not like to cry or to act like a delicate flower needing protection. Well, sometimes his eyes got a bit teary, but that was only in special circumstances and he most definitely was not like Keita, who was able to burst into tears in an instant just by thinking about it.

Which brought Ryohei right back to the current situation. They weren’t doing anything – lunch break for an hour and half – but it was rather strange that Keita and Ryuichi had a complete reversal of characters since The Incident (Ryohei refused to call it anything else) had happened. For one, Keita hadn’t cried at all. Had Ryohei known about it earlier, he would have expected to come home to a sobbing Keita. Ryuichi, however – well, actually, Ryohei didn’t even know what the normal reaction in such a situation would be.

“Ryuichi, would you like more rice?” Keita asked softly.

Ryuichi shook his head.

Keita set down the rice bowl then, and rested a hand on Ryuichi’s thigh. “Would you like some rest?”

Ryuichi nodded. “So tired,” he murmured, eyes half-lidded, and rested his head on Keita’s shoulder, shifting closer so it was more comfortable. Keita leaned back against the sofa they were sitting on, and wrapped his arm around Ryuichi’s shoulder.

After perhaps twenty seconds Ryuichi opened his eyes and lifted his head to look around.

“It’s okay,” Keita said. “I’m here, it’s okay.”

Ryuichi gave Keita an incomprehensible stare. “Where’s Ryohei?” he asked.

“I’m right here,” Ryohei said, and Ryuichi turned around to see for himself.

“Don’t go far, okay, Ryohei?” he said, and Ryohei nodded.

“I’ll be right here with you, too.”

O.o o.O

Onto Part 6 = Confusion/Aversion

P.S.: So it got a bit long-winded near the end, and I don't quite think I set out to do what I wanted to do for this chapter, but I guess I will try to do it in the following one. Or something. I don't know. XD